Friday, January 6, 2012

Categorizing Men!

After 23 years of my existence, I’ve come to the conclusion that now I have (hopefully) seen all “breeds” of erm MEN. So, here is my feeble attempt to put them into categoriesJ.


Types of MEN : Pigs or Dogs?


1.      THE TOO-GOOD-TO-BE-TRUE TYPE (The Dangerous ones):

They are an epitome of what we call a “perfect guy”. Too good looking, too hot to handle and well too dream-come-true like. You’d often see them aloof with engaging eyes (No, I’m not trying to write a chapter for a romantic girly novel here) and Boy! When you talk to them, they’d charm you beyond comprehension with that dazzling smile showing off their perfect set of pearls, yes, leaving you lovesick (Beware of such MEN, seriously).

But… (there’s always a but) sooner or later you’ll encounter two prevalent situations. One, THEY’LL LOSE INTEREST IN YOU and will get on with their next target, leaving you lovesick, well just sick! Two, when you’d truly get to know them, you’d realize that the charm was just a façade to hide their imperfections (Told ya! Too good to be true) and the initial craze will go haywire.

2.       THE SUPER-FRIENDLY-TO-GET-IN-YOUR-PANTS TYPE (The Perverts/Creeps):

I personally hate this category (pffts!). Often seen in a large “gang of guys”, checking out a girl (her butt mainly, rather x-raying them). Sad to say, but there exist some evolved & improved version of such creeps. They don’t limit themselves to passing sneaky remarks instead they look for targets, befriend them, make the poor souls fall for them and then you know “wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am”, *poof* they go absconding. I wish I could shoot all such I-just-wanna-get-laid kinds.

3.       THE MAMA’S BOY:

I don’t really need to say much about them, do I? They always look content with a bright smile (thanks to mom darling!) in a neat crisp shirt (thanks to mom darling again). Personally I have noticed that this category “manages” fairly well with the fairer sex. They fare well as long as they “balance it well and of course till the time they don’t overload us with “MY MOM CAN DO THIS SO PERFECTLY, WHY CANT YOU?”. Hello! She has years of experience, you dimwits!

4.       THE GEEKS:

Another obvious category, often seen with books and around libraries (I won’t typecast then with big black spectacles and greasy hair, that’s so passé). They are mostly shy and well “Boring” (for me at least). Don’t be disheartened if you are a geek guy reading this, it’s just a personal opinion. You are special in your own way, hats off to your intelligence but try and loosen up a bitJ.

5.       THE RIGHT-OUT-OF-AN-ETIQUETTE-BOOK TYPE (The Gentle’men’):

These are the ones who hold the door for you and help you be seated. They usually hold women in high reverence (I totally respect this category; at least some of you are nice, thank God for that). Initially, they seem interesting but soon the perfection starts to make you either look stupid or lose interest. I mean, wouldn’t you wanna have a guy who accidently spills his drink and makes a cute face or say something totally stupid, yet adorable?!

6.       THE I-WANT-EVERYTHING TYPE (The I-wont-grow-up ones):

The name says it all. Those immature boys who claim to be “MAN ENOUGH,” Lol. They’d always be seen boring girls and other guys out with their stupid, very stupid senseless talks, I’d rather call jokes. They don’t know what they want, *correction*, they don’t know what they want, yet they want everything, every girl, every gadget. I mean c’mon, someone please tell them that life is not all about sports, beer, cars, gadgets and girls. GROW UP!

7.       THE ALWAYS-HIGH-NEVER-LOW TYPE:

They are not interested in WOMEN, just plain (and a lot of) “ALCHOHOL”. They are mostly seen inside their dens (with other such kinds) doing what they like the most, watching sports and DRINKING. They hardly bathe and they always have a big round belly and an overgrown beard. Just one word for them, Gross!

8.       THE POETIC TYPE:

When you’d come across this category of guys, you’d be really impressed. Often intellectual and rarely boring, they’ll woo you over with their sweet syllables but after some time, you’ll literally run away. I mean, is it not a pain when you ask for time and out comes a “poem”?! Why cant they keep it simple.

9.       THE DESPERATE TYPE:

They roam around with their hearts on their sleeves. They’d do anything for you, literally anything.  Sometimes, I pity such kind. I know they do whatever they do to be loved and I know there are some unlucky ones who get played over real bad. I apologies on behalf of the entire female kind but can you guys please stop being so DESPERATE and get a grip! I mean, being sweet is fine but being over-sweet will only give us diabetes and naturally we’d have to get rid of you, I mean, it *wink*.

1        THE FULL-OF-THEMSELVES TYPE (The Male Chauvinists):

Another sort of existence I pray ceases soon. There exist some men, even today, who think that the place of a woman is in the kitchen. Such men are a pain as brothers, as fathers and as lovers. There sole existence is a pain. I mean no matter what we do, no matter how hard we try, such kinds will never appreciate or value us. They yell and they abuse, and some creeps even hit. Why? Really, who gave you that right?!

 THE OVER-POSSESSIVE TYPE (The insecure ones):

We girls, when in a relationship, often come across statements like “Don’t do this”, “Don’t do that”. As long as it’s limited to this it’s fine but when it crosses the breach and transforms to “Don’t talk to other guys, at all” or “Don’t watch movies with your friends, talk to me” etc, it becomes claustrophobic. We girls love itsy bitsy possessiveness, makes us feel special, I won’t deny it but please, please know where to draw line and LET US LIVE.

1    MR. RIGHT:

This category had to be here. Just like men, we women have categories too. Each one of us has our individual tastes and liking (but I’m dead sure that no girl can ever like “category 2” which I mentioned above). For every girl there exists a Mr. Right and yes girls, Mr. Right does exist, I just hope we find them.

Ps. all you men reading this, please don’t feel offended, this article is purely fun based and I have no hard feelings against you all. Thanks for the read. Peace.

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Woman - An insecure creature?

Yesterday I met a girl. For privacy's sake lets call her "Priya". Well she triggered a whirlwind of thoughts in my mind and forced me to make this entry.

She was loud and very talkative. Most of her talks were senseless and irrelevant but after every second statement in the group she forced her "talks" in, as if to thrive and prove her existence. I kept observing her with deep interest. Within the initial few hours of the usual "getting-to-know-each-other" routine we humans use, she told me about "how her bf cheated on her and how she doesn't trust men anymore". (Really? Is it that easy to share your personal stuff with people u just met and probably will never meet). After few shots of vodka, she was dancing away to glory and it saddened me to see her so Provocative...

Now, you must have made this very negative picture of her in your mind, but hey, before u do that, go ahead and read the whole stuff. Maybe this will help you understand the female psychology better. Before you label a girl as "desperate" or "slut", read below, to know "WHY SHE BEHAVES THAT WAY"...

Like Priya, you'll come across many girls who'd behave this way. They'd swear like a man and will feel proud about it. Some may even try to camouflage themselves as what you call "TOM BOY". Ever wondered, why? The root cause to all the traits mentioned above is just one "INSECURITY". Yes, it does not make me feel any feeble to accept the fact that we females are insecure and this arises from the fact that we are gullible and vulnerable. Whether its about our looks, our weight or any other aspect, we tend to get insecure. If you ask any female about it, most of them will simply refuse. Thats how we are, complicated, we cant help it!

Priya lets this insecurity take the better of her. She talks more in order to catch your attention, to make you listen to her. She tells you about her past because she wants someone to care for her. Why is it so hard for people to understand? See, i'm not denying that there wont be girls who'd defy this entire article. My idea is to let all of us know that
  • One must never let our insecurity get the better of us.. There's more to life than proving our worth.
  • If there is any such girl around us, believe me, she only needs that one special person to make her feel she's got it all... Be the one to make her believe so.
Priya is a regular girl, lemme quote an example "Princess Diana suffered from "bulimia" a disease to lose weight because she feared her husband thought of her as "chubby" (source: Her biography by Andrew Morton)." There are many more from Marilyn Monroe to Greta Garbo, from Parveen babi to Rakhi Sawant. Its time to give the female minds some rest.

If you cannot help a female with that, at least make sure that you don't give her a new one. (Its not too much to ask, is it?)
Women are special, "HANDLE THEM WITH CARE".

Thank You!


Looking at the wall, sitting in daze
I'm trying to figure out, my restless gaze
This is killing me inside, O God! I wanna escape.
To have some peace of mind, what price shall I pay?

Saturday, August 20, 2011

har ek FRIEND zaruri hota hai :)

Chai ke liye jaise toast hota hai,
Vaise har ek friend zaruri hota hai..

Koi subah 5 baje neend se jagaye-->SHISHIR KAUSHIK(meri cold coffee)
Koi raat ko 3 baje jaan bachaye-->KARAN ARORA (mere aroreee,meri gf)

Ek teri kadki mein sharing kare-->RYAN CARDOZA(mera teddy buddy)
Aur ek tere budget mein sneak in kare-->SHRADDHA SRIVASTAV(laddoo mera rolu polu golu)

Koi nature se guest-->ALLAN ALEX CARDOZA (the goan booty)
Koi host hota hia-->VINITA VARGHESE (the saint :P)

Par har ek friend zaruri hota hai..

Ek ghadi ghadi kaam aaye par kabhi kabhi call kare-->RAGHAV KHANNA(mottuuu)
Ek kabhi kabhi kaam aaye par ghadi ghadi call kare-->ROHIT KOUL :P

Gossip ka koi ghoomta firta satellite-->YAMINI BEHL(meri cutie)
Koi saath rahe toh karde sab alright-->SHRUTI TIWARI & KANIKA(Gundi)

Koi effortless--> SANCHIT RATHI(Doggie) and KUSHAL ARORA(Janani)
Koi forced hota hai

Lekin har ek friend zaruri hota hai..

Chat room friend--> AVINASH KUNDER (Kundii)
Koi class room friend--> UDITA(my permanent seat partner)
Koi bike pe race wala vroom vroom friend--> VIPUL RAJA (bozo mera)

Shopping mall wala shopping friend-->REMYA GEORGE(moi biatch)
Koi exam hall wala copying friend-->PRERAK JAIN(topper) & UDDU(tum na hote toh pass kaise hoti)

Movie buddy, groovy buddy-->AMAN SRIVASTAV(mr. too good 2b true)

Hi buddy.. bye buddy--> ADITI SINGH(chuhiya)

Joke buddy, poke buddy-->RISHABH BAJPAI(bankaaa)

Gaana buddy, shaana buddy-->PEEKA & RICHA (padosis tumhare gaano ke liye)

Chaddi buddy, yaar buddy--> RYAN & VINITA <3

Kutte....kamine...
Everybody.. Sab buddy.
A-Z
Gin gin ke naam, bheja roast hota hai
Par har ek friend zaruri hota hai

Saturday, February 12, 2011

*sigh* I'm a hopeless romantic. If only there were guys like that (Mills & Boon) in real life... BUT NOOO!!!!... and even if they are, they're all taken or tagged by other girls... HEAR THAT GUYS... You need to STEP UP your GAME!!!!

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Would you just listen?

Would you just listen and please don't say a word, just yet,

I'd like you to think back to the very first time we met,How you felt around me?
The memories we shared,And just remember that once upon a time, you really cared.

Now think about how we parted, and how much I cried,
But please don't speak, remember that I never ever lied,
That I told you the honest truth about why we were to split,
But now I'd like you to know that my heart broke bit by bit.

The pain was deep, unbearable and painful,for so many years,
I'll never forget all the sadness, all the uncontrollable tears,
Slowly I am rebuilding my life,
I am content with what I've got,
And although it is hard,
I am beginning to forget what I have not.

You were a special part of my life that I will never forget,
A part of my life that broke my heart, but that I don't regret,
You gave me some happy memories that I'll keep in my heart,
Although sometimes I wish that you and I didn't have to part.

You were my first love and my true love, that will always be so,
After all of the heartache, sadness and never ending pain,
I know,You and I had something special and that will never change,
Because I love you and loving someone else will always seem strange.

Would you just listen and please don't say a word, not ever,
I'd like you to remember that once upon a time, we said forever,
That I had hopes and dreams, that I was the one who threw them away,
And this is something I will always regret until my dying day.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

I’m always right (Proves all the jokes on women right.)


We were all sitting in the living room, struggling to read in the sheer noise about us. Our house was under renovation back then. Suddenly a strange odor caught our attention. Dad said that something was on fire. Some wire maybe.

My mom and her ‘I-am-a-female-and-I-know-it-all’ mind said “it’s the odor of some burnt chilies.” I was least bothered. I thought she’d know better, after all she’d spent half her life in the kitchen only. She started pestering me with her “beta go check” statements. But I did not inch a fraction.

Dad asked mom to check again just in case she’d forgotten something on the gas. In her very confident voice she said “Don’t worry, Kissi aur ke ghar mein ban raha hoga kuch”.

Dad (being a guy obviously did not believe her). He got up and went to the kitchen. After a few seconds, he entered the room grinning (The wicked smile on his face symbolizing his male behavior). He simply asked her again (Oh! These wicked ways of men) “Are you sure that you’d not kept anything to cook?” Then suddenly like a flash mom got up, her female instinct suddenly reminded her about the pan full of milk, she had kept boiling (mid flame).

We all rushed to the gas but all we saw was black remains of what once was milk. She gave that “Oh I have so much to worry about” look (The deadly warning these females give lol). Dad and I controlled our grin and ran away to save our lives. Of course, who’d want to face an abashed female ego right in the morning? Trust me, when such things happen, STAY AWAY.

All I wonder is ‘How easy it is for females to debate and quarrel over the very idea that the fairer species lack nowhere and in nothing.’ I don’t want to comment much. All I can say is that (I am sure actually) even the sharpest of the female minds must have faced incidents like these.

“THESE WOMEN” (Laughs out Loud)